I’m curled up on Kirsten and James’ couch as I write this. Sitting and pondering.
For those of you who don’t know, the reference to K & J means I’m back in Florida. Yes, again. Yes, I was just here in February. Yes, I came back really soon after my last trip. Yes this is possible on the broke student budget (thank you frequent flier points!). Yes, their baby is still the cutest one in the whole wide world. And yes, a big part of my reason for coming back here is because I needed (and longed) to spend more time asking questions, discussing, and sorting through this journey of exploring Catholicism.
My questions are shifting though. It’s subtle, but I feel it, the growing pull of a shoreline. The heading into a place other than this land-of-inbetween that I’ve existed in. And the questions that slip from my lips and from my pen these days reflect that subtle shift. There aren’t a ton of words for it yet, except maybe the ones voiced shyly, not quite meeting the eyes of the friends who have loved me through this process, who have welcomed me into their homes and listened through long phone conversations.
I feel it shifting, and there is trembling, and there is joy.