The Silent Spaces

As I rode the bus to the university campus this morning, I was listening to an audio podcast of the EWTN show, “Coming Home”.  As I listened I thought about many aspects of this journey towards Catholicism, and felt my heart settling in some of the silent spaces.

By that I mean the things that can never be shared publicly.  The parts of this journey that weigh heavily, but can’t be spoken aloud in a public space, because they are the places where my own story intersects with the story of someone else, and where influences are things in their stories that are not mine to speak aloud.

As I pondered this, I realized that I need to find safe spaces to continue to process these weights in my life. I was already considering whether I needed to email or make an appointment with a priest at the parish that I think I will call home for this next season. With the encouragement of a friend, I’ve decided to move forward with that plan.  Sometime in the next day or two, I’m going to carve a bit of space in my schedule to email one of the priests at the parish, explain a bit of my journey, and maybe even ask if I can set up a meeting to talk about the steps moving forward in joining the parish, and ultimately joining the Church.

Even as I write that, it seems crazy.  If you had told me ten years ago that I would be considering emailing a Catholic priest, I would have laughed at you. Of course, I would have laughed even harder at the notion that I would be in a place of feeling convicted that not moving forward with entry into the Catholic church would have me in a state of disobedience to God’s leading in my life.

This whole journey seems crazy, really, and the silent spaces I find myself facing today only contribute to that.  It’s with so much prayer that I continue to take tiny steps forward. With prayers for wisdom, and the ability to know Christ’s leading as I journey, and with prayer after prayer for comfort and Christ’s presence as I carry the things that feel so immensely weighty in the silent spaces.

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