Pause

I had plans for the way I was going to spend this afternoon.  They involved a whole lot of doing.  I was going to wash my kitchen floor, and tackle a few household decor projects.

I’m pressing pause on those plans.  I had coffee with a dear friend this morning – the kind of friend whose honesty and insights are trustworthy.  As we talked about the rhythms and roles in my life right now, I realized that I’m tired.

I’m living in this season of in-between things.

A season where I’m forming new relationships, but they’re new, and not yet at the place where they are restful instead of draining – where the effort in is taking more than what I’m gaining.  They will be the opposite one day, but they’re not there yet.

A season where I’m shifting patterns and habits that were ingrained during the last season.  Shifting the unhealthy to make space for the healthy.

A season where I’m figuring out how to balance a relationally and emotionally demanding job with my need for introverted, quiet space, and with my need to also have time with the people who I love, and the relationships that give me life.

So instead of doing this afternoon, I’m just going to be.

I might “do” a few things – work on a blanket I’m making for a baby who will make an appearance soon, hang a couple of items on my bedroom wall – but if I do, it will be while I’m being.  It’ll be crocheting while I watch a bit of Netflix, hanging items that contribute to the peaceful space of prayer in that corner of my bedroom.

Mostly though, it’s going to look like resting – like taking a detox bath and laying in there for an hour, reading a good book; like standing in my kitchen and prayerfully doing the preparation to create healthy and filling meals for the next couple days of work, cooking creatively because it helps me feel alive.

I’m going to hit pause for an afternoon.  I need to reset before I go back to work tomorrow, and this is how I do that best – alone, with things I love, curled up in this spacious place I’m making into a home.

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