I show up in this space a lot and talk about the hard things and the things I’m wrestling through. It’s in my nature. I comfortably (or less comfortably depending on the day) embrace labels such as introverted, over-thinker, highly sensitive person, and empathic. I’ve lived with depression and an anxiety disorder for almost half of my life now, and I’m well aware that all the above listed labels tend to drive me towards the melancholic. It’s easy to talk about the wrestles, because they make up large portions of my day-to-day life, and this last week and month have held more wrestles than many recent days.
But today, I want to talk about the good moments. Because today there were good moments.
Today, for the first time in a month, I didn’t spend large portions of the day wanting to scratch my skin off due to itching caused by a health condition I’ve been dealing with, and that lack of itching feels like a major victory – like something that brings hope for an end where even yesterday one didn’t exist
Today, a homily spoke to my heart in a way I needed to hear.
Today I spent several hours with my sister-in-law and nephew. My sister-in-law and I have had the greatest conversations since my nephew was born two months ago. His arrival has deepened our relationship in ways I didn’t expect and am deeply thankful for, to one where we’ve spent hours talking about all sorts of major and minor things while I hold my nephew to give her arms a break.
Today my nephew is officially two months old, and since he naps best during the day while being held and gets cranky in the evening, and my brother was working the evening shift, I spent a wonderful few hours chatting with his mama while I rocked him to sleep and then let him sleep on my chest, nuzzling his little head deeper into the crook of my neck.
Today my heart needed the sort of peace that descends when you settle in a rocking chair and a little person sleeps, breathing evenly against your chest, his ear nestled near your heart. Those moments of chatting quietly with my sister-in-law while this sweet little man slept on me were healing.
Today my heart needed an hour of driving towards the mountains at dusk, with no particular destination in mind, and a favorite worship album playing songs filled with messages of mercy.
Today my heart needed the gifts that all of these things brought.
Today I want to remember the good moments and store them up within me.